Three Poems

by Ian Tian

The three poems come from a collection of ‘quarantine poetry’.  Each of them addresses a particular aspect of diaspora queer life, might or might not be shared with others. The first piece, I tries to stage an encounter with my past self, the one that I left behind in time and space as I move across the Pacific Oceans. The disturbed attachment with the past self becomes more clear during the pandemic when I am miles away. ‘Leaf’ contains metaphorical importance in Chinese literature: a leaf falls down on the ground that nourish its life. Similarly, people return home, where they grow up. 

The second piece centers time. My experiences of time during quarantine shifts, future, past and present all collapse onto each other. Every day is the same routine, the future seeps into the present like water; the past materializes and stiffened, like almond.  

As the weather gets better, parks become popular. The last piece was written in a park full of people. After sometimes being by myself, the feelings of being around people take a bit time to get used to. Posting the question ‘how come we are here’, I want to think about my directionless during quarantine, and the boundaries between man-made events and natural courses. 

 

海外來信                                    Letters from Overseas

如果我現在變成一片葉子          If I become a leaf

飄落在沒有蔚藍倒影的海邊      Fell on the seashore devoid of blue reflections

是否會有突然襲來的大浪          Would there be unexpected currents

打碎沒有憂愁的空想，執念      crashing my daydreams, meaningless obsessions

或者那些沸騰的火                      Or the boiling fire 

在沒有燒盡的溫情邊上                On the edge of smouldering intimacy 

我試著介入一個人的夢                I tried entering someone’s dreams 

排山倒海的沈默.                           inundated with silence 

像一個個空地址                            Like empty addresses 

等待，那片葉子                            Waiting, for the leaf 

後來有人告訴我.                            Someone told me then 

沒有誰會在無情的揮霍過後        Nobody cares to mend the traces I left on the envelope 

打理信封上你的痕跡                     after a long night explosion of desire

所以我把晨曦和皎月                    Into the body of the falling leaf 

放進落葉的身體                             I put the morning sun and the bright moon

也許便會擁有                                Thinking that I would

幾度蒼穹                                         hold the sky

我在喝水的時候吃了一個杏仁      I eat an almond when drinking water

白天和植物對話         Talking to plants in the morning 

想春天的事.                 While thinking about the spring 

納西古鎮和白色年糕  Naxi old town, ricecakes 

沒有人配戴的碧玉      Jade that no one wears 

有時距離越遠                Sometimes distances 

越會沒有邊際地解讀    Read into the limits of desire 

四面八方涌来的孤獨    breed loneliness, far and near 

像這株紫羅蘭                Everything seems inconvenient 

和绿萝的感情                Like the romance between violets 

总是那样不合时宜       And this patho

誰會想诉说                 To whom can I talk about leaving, or escaping 

關於逃離的故事         Or lending time to a shadow 

把時間借給一個影子   As if yesterday is the effect of

彷彿昨天只是光物理的  simple physics of light 

簡單效應                          sipping water from the future 

喝一口未來的水              with yesterday’s almond 

吃昨天的杏仁                  I stare at wrinkling skins on my palm

看著掌紋瞬息萬變          Entangled like a whispering couple

像春天竊竊私語的情侶  born out of spring

 

公园                                 Parks

我們怎麼來到了這裡     How come we are here

帶著生活的陳年老酒    With aged wine 

帶著，那些憂鬱的伤口  visible scars and 

和新長的皮肉                newly grown skin and flesh 

我們清晰地看見             we see crystal clear 

空氣走進煙管                 when air enters the tobacco pipe

想你喔放肆                       Like you and me 

在滾燙的夜                       going wild, in a hot night

那些指引我們的航標        at what points will the things that lead us here

在哪個瞬間變得模糊？    become opaque? 

那些我們遠離的東西        have the things we left behind

現在是什麼形狀？            changed shape? 

河水靜靜流淌                   A river runs peacefully 

彌補我們之間的縫隙           mending relations between us 

我們怎麼來到了這裡       How come we are here

白色花瓣，藍色歌姬       White petals, blue divas

沒有邊際的華麗詞藻       Is there a place of abode for us 

是否有邊角                        in an ocean of     

可以安頓                           complex vocabularies? 

我們怎麼來到了這裡        How come we are here

雨滴似梨花片片                where it rains petals of pear flowers 

我深深呼吸                         I take a deep breath

寄宿於你的平靜                 in your peaceful presence 

草業裡輕輕梳理                As I gently comb melancholic feelings

肉眼看得見的憂鬱             and your profound affections

和你的深情如許                as dense as the grass